drama

got disctracted by my other blog (the hungarian one), so only briefly -- why? cuzin less than 2 hours i want to get up! why? cuz im crazy and have someone on my mind and i am playing with thoughts i shouldnt be.

anyways.

every day when my mum is already gone for work and I'm by myslef at the apt since i'm home, i have the same morning routine: i go and turn on the radio, then switch on teh lights and the fan in teh bathroom, then walk back to the room to put on either the bonnaroo cd or Jessie's mix...- i dont like the msuci thats coming from the radio here...all teh same stupid songs....i rarely listen to the radio since im back - ...in the meanwhile i try not to be spotted by anyone who may look in through our windows. then i push up the volume and take a shower. i like these moments. so calming, so for me alone. i rememebr the moments when i was standing in teh shower at vernon: there was one particular way to put my hadns up to the showerhead and then teh water would flow down in one stream. perfect. showering here involves a lot more work from my side - life here involves a lot more work from my side. to take and stand as the water flows...i like to shower.

today we have the first meeting of teh drama group. well, not the first, but sorta. im gonna need to see howmany people are really up for this. especially becasue there are all these amazing things happening: I met up with this Am playwright who would be interested in working with us on this production - he'd write something, or wold help me put together the scipt. also, Sam, the American girl (who worked for TV/FILm for 8 years)..so with her, we are planning on doing a theater/film collaboration.

and i'm going to Italy. :)

i sound extremeyl positive now: should've ehard me last night. i got disappointed again. or not really disappointed, but more like....felt lost again. and swimming. with the flow. in the flow. i'm having hard tiesm woking with the fact that there are only a few people i can share my thoguths with. or no. its nt true. it has always been the case..more or less. i just feel alone with what i have chosen to do. adn while i have no problem with being alone with this - i have practice in that, ages long practice, it still hurts sometimes.
actually, now that i think it through again: it really is the same as it was,a dn as i haev always felt.with the exception that now the "few" - except for one, yet - are really existing fews. gosh, otherwise how could i have spent like 5 hrs talking to one of them??!!!

oh, and yet againa new project: a play - that's gonna come together :)

and in the meanwhile: thesis..or something like that! ;-)