a week after

I have a saved message among the posts - it just happens to be so damn pessimistic that I have decided to make up a new one.

These last couple of days were - Olga you would love it again - interesting. I felt good and bad at the same time.
I like the break, but, and I might have already said this before, I am very much conscious of going back. And I know that my environment knows this too.

ACTING IS NOT PRETENDING AND PRETENDING IS NOT ACTING.

I miss a lot of things. I miss my routine, the move and the energy. It's great that I finally get to have some rest but I just feel weird.
I miss talking. my mum works a lot and I cannot find the mutual accords with my friends. well, at least with the ones I have met since I am home. Which is not many in numbers, I know - but those I met were mostly mere diappointment. or was I diappointing???

I still wonder whether my idea of coming hoem in kinda incognito was a good idea. I got some calls from friends on Christmas day. I had to explain what the heck I was doing here!! As if I had responsibilities towards them. My grandparents did not even know about it.
Gabor called on Saturday, too - he was wondering why I did not give him a call earlier! :) It was funny. I told him I was coming, I just wanted to wait till the holiday are over and till the time I surely know when I'm going "home", so that I can meet him, too.
Anyways, it was nice of them.

How long can jet lag last?? well, the last time I got back from the STates in early August I was glad for the school coming in September so that I could get back to the rhythm, but now: I know that most probably I try to avoid something by not sleeping. Or??????

I am to meet some other people who has been important in my life. Huh!! :):)